(Il corpo, a un certo punto, cambia discorso -> leggi qui in italiano)
For years I thought adapting would be enough.
Changing loads, changing rhythms, changing the way I trained.
Paying attention to everything.
At some point I realised I wasn’t growing anymore.
I was just trying to stay where I was.
My career has been made of stops and restarts.
Injuries, physical issues, the past 10years I never managed to build continuity.
Every time, it’s the same pattern: stop, come back, recover what I lost.
Get back to where I was. Maybe add one percent.
And then start over again.
In the short term, it can seem sustainable.
Over the years, the bill arrives all at once.
My body has always been in defense mode.
Not because it didn’t want to cooperate, but because it never truly had the time to build.
Training like this means asking an already tired body for one more effort.
The myocarditis was the final hit.
Not the beginning of the problem, but the moment when everything I had postponed showed up together.
I almost died.
And from that moment on, my body started speaking a different language.
My mind still asks for what it’s used to.
My body simply can’t deliver it anymore.
I notice it most in races.
People who watch me compete often don’t recognise me. And honestly, neither do I.
Sometimes I answer joking: “I used to be strong.”
I say it like it’s a joke.
But inside, it hurts.
Because my mind is still the same.
Every time I line up, I truly believe I can win.
The feeling is real. It’s always the same.
Then the race starts, and in a few seconds reality hits hard.
I immediately understand it’s not a bad day.
It’s that my body can’t take me where my mind knows it can go.
And so I find myself living something I never truly understood before.
Racing knowing you can’t be there.
Continuing even when results never come.
Coming home wanting to quit, not because the will to fight is gone, but because the possibility is.
More than taking me nowhere, continuing like this is making me suffer while doing the thing I love.
At some point, the body changes the plan.
And when that happens, you can try not to listen.
But if you want to keep being an athlete, ignoring it is no longer an option.
Francesca Selva 