Coming back to racing, starting something new, and figuring out where I stand
Tomorrow my first UCI race. One year ago I was here too, in the Czech Republic, in Brno, racing for the first time after myocarditis.
On paper, it looks similar.
Same sport. Same country. Same start line.
But in reality, it couldn’t be more different.
One year ago, I didn’t even know if I would really come back to racing.
I didn’t know what to expect from my body, how hard I could push, or if I would ever feel “normal” again.
There was a lot more fear than curiosity.
A lot more control than freedom.
Every feeling had to be checked.
Every heartbeat that felt off became a question.
And even if I was racing, I was really just trying to understand if I could still be there.
Tomorrow is different.
Not because it’s easier.
Actually, the opposite.
I’m stepping into a completely new discipline, with no real references, against athletes who have been doing this for years.
I don’t have clear expectations.
I don’t really know where I stand.
But this time, the dominant feeling isn’t fear.
It’s curiosity.
In these past months, I’ve worked a lot.
I’ve built something from zero, day by day.
I’ve seen my body change, respond, improve.
I’ve hit numbers I didn’t think I had.
And for the first time in a long time, I’m not asking myself, “can I do this?”
I’m asking:
“how far can I go?”
The truth is, I don’t know what will happen tomorrow.
I don’t know if I’ll be competitive.
I don’t know how far I am from the best.
I don’t know if it will take months or years to get there.
But I know one thing.
One year ago, I was trying to come back.
Now I’m trying to become something new.
And maybe that’s the biggest difference.
I’m not chasing who I was anymore.
I’m building who I could become.
Whatever happens, tomorrow is just another starting point.
And this time, I’m here by choice.
I also shared these thoughts in a video, on my way to the race.
Watch it here:
Francesca Selva 
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